Little Russell is nearly one! This is a huge milestone for all babies, but especially for Russell as there were more than a few moments in his first year when no one was sure whether he would make it through. He's stable and doing well now. The doctors would like him to put more weight on but he's not underweight for his corrected age and he's stopped frightening everyone when he gets a cold! He's still in hospital, but we hope to have him home in the New Year and then his life can really begin!
We have presents, bunting, banners, helium and normal balloons, a wooden cake if he's not in the mood to play, a chocolate cake if he is, a big foster brother keen to "help" with the cake, a birthday vest for him wear and a builders tray to contain the mess. All the ingredients for a memorable 1st birthday party! A good friend of ours with awesome camera skills is coming to the hospital to take photos. Russell won't remember any of this of course but he will be able to look at the photos in years to come and know that we celebrated his special day in the best way we could!
Monday, 30 November 2015
Monday, 9 November 2015
Buying for a disabled or developmentally delayed child
With Christmas approaching I thought I would do a post to help friends and family of children who are not developing typically choose a Christmas present. So here's how we like to choose gifts for our special little ones.
1) Forget about the age it says on the box!
This can be hard as it's so ingrained in us that baby toys are for babies, but at six years old Peter loves many toys and books aimed at babies or toddlers. They are designed to stimulate senses and use simple language which is exactly what he needs.
Russell will be one year old by Christmas but isn't rolling yet and doesn't have any sitting balance, so many of the toys aimed at the 12-18 month age group will not be appropriate for him. He also has a visual impairment so we are looking for toys to stimulate his vision and encourage him to start moving.
2) Don't automatically ignore items aimed at older children or adults.
If an item relates to Peter's current interests (space, cars, maps, trains and butterflies), it's a big hit - especially coffee table or encyclopaedia type books.
As Russell hasn't left hospital yet, and in fact has only been outside three times, we're looking for gifts with mirrors or real-world imagery rather than lots of bright colours and cartoon characters.
3) Remember that many children have a "spiky profile" where their skills may be age appropriate in one area but delayed in another, so for example Peter can easily complete a 100 piece puzzle but wouldn't understand the simplest board game aimed at pre-schoolers.
4) Don't worry if you're asked to do something out of your comfort zone or that seems unusual!
Peter doesn't like wrapping paper as it makes him anxious, so we ask for unwrapped gifts for him (or unwrap them ourselves before he sees them). We've also heard of families wrapping gifts in transparent cellophane or sticking a photo of the gift on the outside so there are no surprises.
As Russell has a tracheostomy we need to insist on no glitter, sand, or soft toys with fine fibres that may go into his lungs.
5) Have fun choosing! These are all gifts that Peter and Russell would love to receive this Christmas:
Ravensburger 100 piece Snowman puzzle, Discovery 50mm astronomical telescope, B Symphony, Pintoy Tower Slope, Tidlo Double Sided Easel with Paper, Debenhams Space Rail, Funtime Newton's Cradle Executive Desktop Toy, Paladone Scrabble Light, Science Museum Magnetic Sand Timer, Disney Cars Book
Baby Einstein Playtime Explorer Gift Set, Bright Starts Roll and Glow Monkey, Tomy choo choo loop, Bright Starts Light and Giggle Drum, Baby Einstein Neptune Magical Lights Mirror, Debenhams Party Bulb
1) Forget about the age it says on the box!
This can be hard as it's so ingrained in us that baby toys are for babies, but at six years old Peter loves many toys and books aimed at babies or toddlers. They are designed to stimulate senses and use simple language which is exactly what he needs.
Russell will be one year old by Christmas but isn't rolling yet and doesn't have any sitting balance, so many of the toys aimed at the 12-18 month age group will not be appropriate for him. He also has a visual impairment so we are looking for toys to stimulate his vision and encourage him to start moving.
2) Don't automatically ignore items aimed at older children or adults.
If an item relates to Peter's current interests (space, cars, maps, trains and butterflies), it's a big hit - especially coffee table or encyclopaedia type books.
As Russell hasn't left hospital yet, and in fact has only been outside three times, we're looking for gifts with mirrors or real-world imagery rather than lots of bright colours and cartoon characters.
3) Remember that many children have a "spiky profile" where their skills may be age appropriate in one area but delayed in another, so for example Peter can easily complete a 100 piece puzzle but wouldn't understand the simplest board game aimed at pre-schoolers.
4) Don't worry if you're asked to do something out of your comfort zone or that seems unusual!
Peter doesn't like wrapping paper as it makes him anxious, so we ask for unwrapped gifts for him (or unwrap them ourselves before he sees them). We've also heard of families wrapping gifts in transparent cellophane or sticking a photo of the gift on the outside so there are no surprises.
As Russell has a tracheostomy we need to insist on no glitter, sand, or soft toys with fine fibres that may go into his lungs.
5) Have fun choosing! These are all gifts that Peter and Russell would love to receive this Christmas:
Ravensburger 100 piece Snowman puzzle, Discovery 50mm astronomical telescope, B Symphony, Pintoy Tower Slope, Tidlo Double Sided Easel with Paper, Debenhams Space Rail, Funtime Newton's Cradle Executive Desktop Toy, Paladone Scrabble Light, Science Museum Magnetic Sand Timer, Disney Cars Book
This post was written as an entry to the Debenhams "Dear Santa..." competition. Five lucky bloggers will each win £100 vouchers to spend on toys from their range.
Wednesday, 9 September 2015
A family update
Peter has had a great Summer and has just gone back to school into year 2. He has put up with a lot of change as one of us has been at the hospital with Russell most of the time, and has thrived with all the challenges that have come his way. He's getting stronger and fitter all the time - he now regularly runs 1km at our local running club, his confidence has increased: this Summer he's tried rock climbing for the first time and has climbed right to the top of the biggest climbing frame at any of our local playgrounds. He's taught himself to read, he's constantly experimenting and enquiring, his speech has improved, he loves imaginative play and he's developing a real sense of humour. He has a keen interest in butterflies so we've been providing him with resources, he can now identify 6 or 7 different species and will spend half an hour at a time sitting in the garden watching all the butterflies visit our buddleja. He's such a little character!
Russell has also started thriving since he became part of our family. When we first met him he was seven months old but like a newborn in terms of his development, except for his utter disinterest in whether anyone was with him or not. He's now 9 months old and about 3-4 months developmentally, but his whole demeanour is different - he's interested in us, wants our attention and is starting to demand it which is great. We've completed our training in his care and do everything for him whilst we're at the hospital. We're hoping to be able to take him on outings soon (accompanied by his ventilator and all his equipment!) and work up to day leave, overnight leave, and then hopefully he can be discharged home by November. We have a lot to prepare at home before he comes, and it will completely change our lives (again!), but we're looking forward to it. He's definitely worth it.
We were really pleased to receive an email from Belle's adoptive family recently, telling us how well she's doing, with some photos from their busy Summer. It's so lovely to see how happy they are and hear about their new life as a family of four, it sounds like Belle is keeping them on their toes and is making loads of progress!
We have more change on the way as we've decided to move house to give Russell a downstairs bedroom, Peter more space to play, and our dogs Lady and Nana a bigger garden to run around in! We're in the process of packing boxes, and since we're moving over county lines we're visiting new schools for Peter too. Our local authority accepts foster carers from neighbouring counties so we don't need to change fostering agencies thankfully.
It's a busy time but we're sure everything will settle down by Christmas... perhaps it will then be time for us to go back on the lists for a third placement!
Russell has also started thriving since he became part of our family. When we first met him he was seven months old but like a newborn in terms of his development, except for his utter disinterest in whether anyone was with him or not. He's now 9 months old and about 3-4 months developmentally, but his whole demeanour is different - he's interested in us, wants our attention and is starting to demand it which is great. We've completed our training in his care and do everything for him whilst we're at the hospital. We're hoping to be able to take him on outings soon (accompanied by his ventilator and all his equipment!) and work up to day leave, overnight leave, and then hopefully he can be discharged home by November. We have a lot to prepare at home before he comes, and it will completely change our lives (again!), but we're looking forward to it. He's definitely worth it.
We were really pleased to receive an email from Belle's adoptive family recently, telling us how well she's doing, with some photos from their busy Summer. It's so lovely to see how happy they are and hear about their new life as a family of four, it sounds like Belle is keeping them on their toes and is making loads of progress!
We have more change on the way as we've decided to move house to give Russell a downstairs bedroom, Peter more space to play, and our dogs Lady and Nana a bigger garden to run around in! We're in the process of packing boxes, and since we're moving over county lines we're visiting new schools for Peter too. Our local authority accepts foster carers from neighbouring counties so we don't need to change fostering agencies thankfully.
It's a busy time but we're sure everything will settle down by Christmas... perhaps it will then be time for us to go back on the lists for a third placement!
Saturday, 11 July 2015
Russell
We were approached a few months ago about a little boy who's been in hospital his whole life with various medical needs, and will probably be there until the end of the year whilst he gets bigger and stronger. Many of these issues are likely to continue once he comes home, so we've gone through all sorts of risk assessments to check that our house is suitable, that we know what we're taking on in terms of daily care and supervision, and that we have room for all of his medical equipment.
We accepted the placement, met Russell for the first time a couple of weeks ago and he feels like part of the family already. It's so important for babies' brain development to build up attachment with primary carers (especially as in Russell's case he has none at the moment), so one of us has been staying at the hospital with him most of the day and night. It's hard work as we miss spending family time with each other, and it's a lot of driving as the hospital is over an hour from our house, but little Russell is worth it and we can't wait to have him home.
Sunday, 14 June 2015
Six years old
Peter is nearly six! Here are six things we love about you, Peter.
1) You truly follow your own interests without an awareness of the outside influences of "gender" or "age". Your favourite colour is pink, and you count butterflies and Tinkerbell amongst your favourite things, alongside cars and trains. Many of your toys have an age guide of 12-36 months on the box, but they make you happy and you couldn't care less.
2) How much you love books. "Read together?" you say, and when I agree, you skip off gleefully and return with a handful. "Five stories mama! This one first!" I have no doubt that the hundreds of stories we've read together (including several hundred repetitions of the same ones!) combined with your incredible memory have contributed to your awesome word recognition. You're starting to read before you can speak fluently - that's skill!
3) You still love to sing and can now hold a tune which is so lovely to hear (although maybe not at 5am at the top of your voice...)
4) You have no understanding yet of winning or losing, you can still just enjoy the race.
5) You find the world a confusing and frightening place much of the time, but you're happy to go to new places and try new things as long as we're with you. We're so proud of you!
6) You have no idea how significant every one of your achievements is when we think about the dismal prognosis you were given when you first came into care, and you continue to amaze us daily. We were asked in a meeting recently whether we understood what your limits would be in terms of what you could achieve and what your adult life will look like. For a moment we didn't understand the question as to us you have no limits whatsoever! We hope you will see yourself the same way as you grow up and will never allow another person to tell you what you cannot do because of your disability.
It's a privilege being your mummy and mama, and we couldn't ask for a better foster son. We look forward to the next year with you!
1) You truly follow your own interests without an awareness of the outside influences of "gender" or "age". Your favourite colour is pink, and you count butterflies and Tinkerbell amongst your favourite things, alongside cars and trains. Many of your toys have an age guide of 12-36 months on the box, but they make you happy and you couldn't care less.
2) How much you love books. "Read together?" you say, and when I agree, you skip off gleefully and return with a handful. "Five stories mama! This one first!" I have no doubt that the hundreds of stories we've read together (including several hundred repetitions of the same ones!) combined with your incredible memory have contributed to your awesome word recognition. You're starting to read before you can speak fluently - that's skill!
3) You still love to sing and can now hold a tune which is so lovely to hear (although maybe not at 5am at the top of your voice...)
4) You have no understanding yet of winning or losing, you can still just enjoy the race.
5) You find the world a confusing and frightening place much of the time, but you're happy to go to new places and try new things as long as we're with you. We're so proud of you!
6) You have no idea how significant every one of your achievements is when we think about the dismal prognosis you were given when you first came into care, and you continue to amaze us daily. We were asked in a meeting recently whether we understood what your limits would be in terms of what you could achieve and what your adult life will look like. For a moment we didn't understand the question as to us you have no limits whatsoever! We hope you will see yourself the same way as you grow up and will never allow another person to tell you what you cannot do because of your disability.
It's a privilege being your mummy and mama, and we couldn't ask for a better foster son. We look forward to the next year with you!
Thursday, 28 May 2015
Unexpected news
This morning we took down the photos of Alice from "her" bedroom door and have officially gone back on the duty boards as having a vacancy.
We were first approached to take Alice as a permanency placement in August last year. We agreed in principle, but despite lots of conversations back and forth between our social worker and hers, nothing ever happened. We found out in October that her current carer had decided to keep her permanently. In February 2015 we were approached again as Alice's carer had again decided she could no longer keep her, so they were looking for permanent carers. We spoke to her social worker, the team manager and Alice's OT came out to visit us, and we all agreed that we could provide an excellent home for her. Introductions were planned, and although we heard a rumour that her current carer had changed her mind, we were told the local authority were definitely moving her to us as the constant change of plans meant that the placement was no longer stable. We decorated her room, bought personalised bits and pieces, and purchased equipment we were told she needed but didn't have. We met Alice on the first day of introductions and fell in love with her. Permanent fostering is a step down from adoption but is similar in many ways - it's committing to a child until adulthood and beyond - they're part of your family. We had mentally welcomed Alice into our family, prepared Peter for her arrival and were looking forward to our future together watching them both grow up.
On the Monday of the week she was due to move in, we were told that her current carer had registered a surprise interest in adopting her so although the local authority didn't support their application, legally Alice cannot be moved until the assessment is complete. We don't know why this has happened. The carer had been given so many opportunities to express her interest to adopt, and she chose the first day of introductions after we had met Alice to do so.
The impact of this on our family has been huge as you can imagine, and we've had to grieve both for the little girl we'd been thinking of as our daughter, and for the life we won't have with her. We've lost our enthusiasm for permanent fostering for now as we'd emotionally invested so much into this match and are nervous about it happening again. This experience will change our approach to placements - there will be no assumptions and minimal preparations until the child walks through our door and the paperwork is signed.
We were first approached to take Alice as a permanency placement in August last year. We agreed in principle, but despite lots of conversations back and forth between our social worker and hers, nothing ever happened. We found out in October that her current carer had decided to keep her permanently. In February 2015 we were approached again as Alice's carer had again decided she could no longer keep her, so they were looking for permanent carers. We spoke to her social worker, the team manager and Alice's OT came out to visit us, and we all agreed that we could provide an excellent home for her. Introductions were planned, and although we heard a rumour that her current carer had changed her mind, we were told the local authority were definitely moving her to us as the constant change of plans meant that the placement was no longer stable. We decorated her room, bought personalised bits and pieces, and purchased equipment we were told she needed but didn't have. We met Alice on the first day of introductions and fell in love with her. Permanent fostering is a step down from adoption but is similar in many ways - it's committing to a child until adulthood and beyond - they're part of your family. We had mentally welcomed Alice into our family, prepared Peter for her arrival and were looking forward to our future together watching them both grow up.
On the Monday of the week she was due to move in, we were told that her current carer had registered a surprise interest in adopting her so although the local authority didn't support their application, legally Alice cannot be moved until the assessment is complete. We don't know why this has happened. The carer had been given so many opportunities to express her interest to adopt, and she chose the first day of introductions after we had met Alice to do so.
The impact of this on our family has been huge as you can imagine, and we've had to grieve both for the little girl we'd been thinking of as our daughter, and for the life we won't have with her. We've lost our enthusiasm for permanent fostering for now as we'd emotionally invested so much into this match and are nervous about it happening again. This experience will change our approach to placements - there will be no assumptions and minimal preparations until the child walks through our door and the paperwork is signed.
Friday, 1 May 2015
The urge to nest
Pregnancy and parenting magazines talk about the urge to nest all the time - giving the house a spring clean, washing, organising and reorganising piles of baby clothes, buying furniture and decorating the nursery (even if they plan to keep the baby in the parents' room for the first year!)
Adopters talk about fighting the urge to nest - knowing that it's logical to wait until after matching panel before mentally moving a child in, buying things for them and decorating their room, but finding it extremely difficult!
It's a good thing - apparently nesting comes with great bursts of energy in what would otherwise be a tiring, frustrating waiting exercise, and it's not irrational in the slightest - it is all about the desire to protect and prepare for the child who's about to arrive, so that there's a safe environment to facilitate bonding between the child and it's primary carers. This bonding and attachment is crucial whether the child is born to you, arrives through adoption or as a foster placement.
As foster carers we definitely get the urge, and these days we just tend to go with it rather than fight it. We are desperate to rearrange Belle's room ready for Alice, and have already bought her a few bits even though we don't know what will be coming with her from her current carer. We also may or may not have purchased some adorable baby vests the other day for a baby who we're having discussions about, and they haven't even gone to court yet. We've kept the receipt so we're not completely crazy…
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